I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
