I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
