The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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