giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
