I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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