But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
