so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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