My friends, they love my intelligence
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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