Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
