I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
