so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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