think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he shaved USA in his pubs
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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