We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
