Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
