He kissed a someone with a penis
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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