My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
