so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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