1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
