can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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