I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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