imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
