today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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