When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize