I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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