im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
