I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
