I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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