Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
