Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you win again, gameday.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
