I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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