made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
