Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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