Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
