rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
