i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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