then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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