I'm eating all of the evidence.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize