her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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