You're so nebulous sometimes
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
