I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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