he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
