I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
