You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
