You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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