I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
