You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
time to smoke my breakfast
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
