I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
