If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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