Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize