Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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