I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
