The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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