should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize