Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
