This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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