Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
