So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I need water and some morals
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
