If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
