He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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