If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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