she looked like the bat from fern gully.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
