a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
