i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
