can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
