maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Oh god it's open bar.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
