You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
