There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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