If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Still dying that you shit outside
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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