I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
