Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
