Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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