it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
