I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
