Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
