I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
