Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
