dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
