i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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