Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just found a bag of teeth...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
