A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize