what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
