Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
