his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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