The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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