do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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