i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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