i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
