I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
