This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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