I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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