Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My ass is underappreciated
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize