So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
