Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize