ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
