Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
