please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
