its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Please don't give away my fajitas
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
