Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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