god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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