my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
