You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
